Vampire Knight: Moments that Scar for Life
by Saved by Dark Innocence
Summary: A collection of random one-shots where we look on the lighter side and awkward moments of Vampire Knight! Need a laugh, stop by and I'm taking requests! Please Read and Review, I still suck at summaries:( Aidou's Cupcake Mishap Shiki's Cuppa Feel, Banana Peel Lesson! I'm evil! BWAHAHAHA! Please Read and Review! I love Vampire Knight! And you do too! Includes all cast! Please R R
1. Chapter 1

**VISUALIZE!**

**VIZUALIZE!**

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**Vampire Knight**

**Shower Songs and Toothpaste Foam**

I've lived in this house for a while. I've lived with Kaien, Yagari and Zero for quite sometime. I have seen so much, I have heard so much, I have been scarred so much. It is rare in this blood-stained world that I live in where things are light-hearted and funny. But sometimes…I have to wonder about my House Mates…and their sanity.

THERE I WAS! Just minding my business, brushing my teeth with closed eyes because I was tired and Zero was in the shower, I knew it was him because he was always quiet. I heard the trickling of the water, it was making me sleepy. I dozed off but then I heard it…IT!

"You…change your mind…like a girl, changes clothes. Yeah you…PMS…like a bitch, I would know. And you…over think; always speak cryptically. I should know…that you're no good for me!" Zero sang and I was shocked! (**O_O**) I couldn't believe my ears, "'Cause you're hot then you're cold. You're yes then you're no. You're in then you're out. You're up then you're down…."

Zero suddenly stepped out the shower, a towel wrapped around his waist, his hair wet and he was whistling the rest of the song. He met my gaze and I stood gaping at his with toothpaste foam hiding my bottom lip and my toothbrush clutched in my hand. Zero glared at me and then he shimmied out of the bathroom, whistling Hot 'n Cold by Katy Perry.

I don't know how long I stood there, but I was scarred for life and I will never, NEVER look at my partner Zero Kiryuu the same way. How the hell does he even know Katy Perry? Wait – how do I know Katy Perry?!

Damn Fan Girls!

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**A/N: Hahaha! Okay, I've had a lot of dreams about the VK Cast in their not-so-serious Nature, and I've been dying to post this since 2010 and I finally did it. LOL! The dream made me laugh! And i'M hoping it made you laugh too!**

**Randomness is awesome! I do not own Vampire Knight or _Hot 'n Cold _by _Katy Perry._**

**Please Read and Review and share your funny dreams with me! I know you've had them too! O_o**

**-Saved By Dark Innocence**


	2. Chapter 2

**VIZULAIZE**

**VIZULAIZE**

**WHAT WOULD YOUR REACTION BE?**

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**Vampire Knight**

**Painful Screams and Money Screams**

"You can't do it."

"I can."

"Whatever, you're all talk and no action."

"You want action? Then I'll give you action!"

I followed behind slowly as Kaito stormed into a Tattoo Parlor. Kaito had little patience and his patience was almost nonexistent if you told him he couldn't do something. Then his head got big and he got arrogant as he tried to prove you wrong. The man behind the counter looked up at me and gave me greeting nod because I often came here to look at other tattoo designs.

"What can I help you with?" the man behind the counter said with a bored voice and expression.

"A piercing for my ignorant friend," I said with a knowing smile.

"What would you like, Sir?" the man asked, "Earring?"

"No," Kaito said. He gave me a sly grin, "I want a nipple ring," I gazed at Kaito with wide eyes. The man gave an evil smile and invited Kaito around the counter. Kaito slipped off his shirt and I saw the cashier Goth-Lady gape and blush and admire. I rolled my eyes and stood with my back to Kaito, arms crossed over my chest.

"Watch me carefully, Zero! Now you can't say that you've had great piercing jobs," Kaito boasted and I rolled my eyes.

I face-palmed. It was winter, we had a fire-place, "I didn't say _great piercing jobs_, Kaito. I was telling the Chairman about this place that had _great pricing on logs_––"

"AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

I turned around and saw Kaito holding his nipple that now had a silver hoop hanging from it. Kaito collapsed to the floor and bit his lip to keep from crying. The man behind the counter stood above my friend as Kaito pulled on his nipple to try to get the hoop off.

"Will that be cash or credit?" I asked the man, standing beside Kaito who was crying into my shoe.

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**A/N: Hehehehe, poor Kaito. I hate making him suffer...no, I don't. It makes me laugh! I got reviews! Thanks beloved readers!**

**Keep on reading!**

**Sorry for Spelling and grammar mistakes.**

**I do not own Vampire Knight.**

**Until next time, readers! :P**

**Please Read and Review**

**~Saved By Dark Innocence **


	3. Chapter 3

**VIZULAIZE**

**VIZULAIZE**

**YOU WILL LAUGH AND CRY THROUGH YOUR EYES**

**IF **

**YOU**

**VIZULAIZE!**

**Vampire Knight**

**Zit Tricks and Slap Sticks**

"Hanabusa? Hanabusa!" Kain called as he stalked around the Moon Dormitory. He had lost his cousin again. And if his cousin was in trouble again, Kain's head would be served on a silver platter to the President. Kain ran his fingers through his hair, "Hanabusa–– what are you doing?"

Kain stared at his cousin, Hanabusa Aidou, who was standing in their bedroom, tilting his head from side to side and staring at his reflection with a serious expression. Aidou sighed and gazed at his cousin using the mirror.

"Cousin, do you know what _this_ is?" Aidou asked as he pointed to the mirror. Kain raised an eyebrow to answer but Aidou stopped him by raising a hand, "Whatever you were about to say, I'm sure it would have been incorrect," he placed his palm on the mirror, "This, dear cousin, is a reflection. But not any reflection. It is _my_ reflection. And my reflection shows off my beautiful face, my beautiful eyes, and my glorious hair. This is the face that all Day Class Girls admire and fall into pits of ecstasy when their eyes gaze upon my beauty," Aidou's finger tips brushed against his jaw bone.

Kain stared, "Pits of what?"

"Pits. Of. Ecstasy," Aidou turned to gaze at his reflection over his shoulder, "And here I stood, thinking that this form of perfection should be paraded to the whole world. However, perfection has been tainted," Aidou turned back to the mirror and leaned close and pointed at his cheek, "By this demonic figure! I am of great intelligence, but I know not of what this is!"

"It's a zit," Kain said with a plain expression.

Aidou turned quickly to glare at his cousin, "A ZIT!" he skidded to stand in front of his cousin, "How do you get rid of it?"

Kain shrugged, "You pop it."

Aidou stared at Kain with large blue eyes, "You. Pop. It?"

Kain grabbed his cousin's face, "Let me show you," he started to squeeze and Aidou pushed him away.

Aidou held his cheek and glared at his cousin, "You hurt my face!"

"Better me than someone else," Kain snapped.

"Don't touch meh face!" Aidou hissed, his tongue dancing like a snake's would.

"What the hell does _meh_ mean?!" Kain demanded as he tackled his cousin to the ground.

"What are you doing?" Aidou and Kain froze and looked up to see Kuran Kaname standing in the doorway. Takuma behind him, hiding his giggles behind his hand.

"Kana~me~sam~aaaaa!" Aidou cried, crawling to the Pureblood's feet. "I have an invasion on my face! Make it go away!"

Kaname pulled Aidou to his feet and stared into his eyes. His dark eyes scanned Aidou's face. Aidou closed his eyes and sighed, waiting for his Master's healing hands––

SLLAAAAAPPPPP!

Aidou twirled four times, a bright red hand-print on his cheek. Aidou collapsed to the ground and curled up into a ball, "Kana~me-sam-aaaa."

Kain deadpanned and glanced at the dorm President, "Kaname-sama…you..."

Kaname looked at his hand, "I think I missed."

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**A/N: I can actually see this happening! Hope it made you laugh!**

**Sorry for any errors.**

**I do not own Vampire Knight.**

**Read, review, follow and favorite PLEASE!**

**~Saved by Dark Innocence**


	4. Message

**A/N: Hate me? I know you do! You never expected me, ME, to do this! But this is IMPORTANT!**

**Sorry I haven't been updating as much as I promised but I have a very important message! I have been working my ass off trying to get published, and its really hard but I AM NOT GIVING UP! But fear not, I will not let it get in the way of my Fanfics. But there is a slight change. Much like the Manga (especially with the Manga ending soon ]': so sad) I will be updating every month, something my incredibly nerdy friend suggested. So April's chapter is still up and coming!**

**But for now, my good news! I uploaded the first chapter of my book and in order to get published I need feedback! So please go read my chapter and please review! And if you like it, tell your friends. As you know, you can pretty much read it on any electronic device! **

**So follow the link: s/3115838/1/**

**Or look me up on FictionPress, I am ****Slayer of the Crimson Blade**** and my story is called ****_Slayer Traits First Year_**

**Don't worry, lots of vampires and all things supernatural there too. No Zero though L but watch this space for more VK Updates this month!**

**Much love ;)**

**- Saved By Dark Innocence**


	5. Chapter 5

**Vampire Knight**

**Cupcakes and Snot Takes**

**_Upon request by RapunzellInTheSnow_**

**_Thank you for your request! This one goes out to you!_**

Sniff-sniff, "Kaname-sama…," drip. Drip. "Kaname-sama…"

The place was awkwardly silent. Everyone would hear the sound of a needle being dropped if someone dropped one…or actually carried a needle with them to a Café. The only thing that would interrupt the sound of this metaphorical needle…was the sound of silent blubbering and sobbing. Mixed with the sound of dignity-deleting munching and a pathetic display of…loneliness, perhaps?

"Kaname-sama…," sounded the blubbery sob. Which – to other patrons – sounded more like Waname-swama, if you closed your eyes, you could picture a whale being strangled by a cat.

Patrons glanced over at the person sitting alone by the booth next to the window. His blonde hair perfect, his completion flawless, his lean body hunched over the table as his handsome tear-stained face slowly dragged a fork full of cake to his lips. He chewed, and chewed…

And chewed and chewed…

And chewed and chewed…

Until he swallowed with a wail, "Kaname-sama…"

Patrons stared. Why was such a handsome boy crying? And moaning? The handsome boy raised his hand and a waitress shuffled over to him and dropped a platter of delicious treats in front of him. The patrons watched as the boy picked up a cupcake and stared at it.

"If Kaname-sama will not appreciate me, then I shall become fat!" he shoved the whole cupcake into his mouth. He glared at the patrons staring at him, "Never love Kaname-sama! Because he is mine and when I am fat, I will sumo you into the ground for even breathing on him!"

"Aidou?" Hanabusa looked up quickly, felt the cupcake lodge in his throat and saw Ichijou standing in the doorway, Kaname beside him. Ichijou smiled kindly at him, "Aidou, you're all blue in the face. Are you choking?"

Aidou nodded vigorously. Kaname brushed past Aidou and stood in front of the counter and ordered a coffee to take away. Kaname got his order and walked past Aidou, took one of his cupcakes and gave Aidou a good hard slap on his back.

Aidou coughed up the cupcake and cleared his throat. He smiled brightly at Kaname with sparkling eyes, "Oh, thank you Kaname-sama! I would never ever get fat, because I appreciate you!"

"What are you talking about, Aidou?" Kaname demanded, "You're supposed to be watching Yuuki, instead you're here eating sweets…," Kaname took a bite of his cupcake.

"Kaname-sama, I can explain…," Aidou stopped, watching Kaname pull a funny face. Aidou gasped, "Kaname-sama are you choking––"

AAAAAACCCCHHHHOOOOOO!

Kaname opened his eyes and rubbed his nose. He cleared his throat, "Sorry Aidou, what were you saying––" Kaname stopped speaking and stared. Ichijou's mouth was hanging open, and so were the rest of the patrons.

Aidou stood, his mouth open, eyes wide, and bits of chocolate cupcake and goo were all over Aidou's face. No one said anything, and Aidou seemed to be frozen in place. Ichijou put his hands on Kaname's shoulders and turned him towards the door.

"Walk away, Kaname," Ichijou hissed. "Just walk away."

The bell tingled as the two Vampires left the shop. Aidou didn't follow, or blink. He just simply fell backwards and curled up in the fetal position and rocked on the ground. He was mumbling incoherent words––

"KANAME-SAMA LEFT ME AGAIN!"

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**A/N: C'mon, c'mon! The exchange of gross bodily fluids is always hilarious! This was my FIRST EVER REQUEST! And I hope I made you laugh (and met your expectations), round of applause for _RapunzellInTheSnow_! *applause***

**And if you want to see your favorite VK Characters in their awkward moments, just post your request in a review and I shall do my utmost best =D**

**What else? Oh, I will be updating on a monthly (depending on my mood, it might be more than monthly, less than monthly. Writers have such difficult brains) basis just to keep Vampire KNight alive and give me something to look forward too every month now that the VK Manga is ending soon :(**

**What else? Oh! If you're bored, please go read the first chapter of my novel on FictionPress (lots of vampires and stuff there). I need reviews~**

**Look me up on FictionPress (Slayer of the Crimson Blade, the story is called Slayer Traits First Year) or follow the link: s/3115838/1**

**That's all for now! I have to go duct-tape my shoe =D**

**After I upload the next chapter that was hard to write because I couldn't stop laughing!**

**Sorry for Spelling and Grammar Errors. I do not own VK D":**

**Please READ and REVIEW!**

**Much love :D**

**~Saved by Dark Innocence**


	6. Chapter 6

**WARNING: **

**IF YOU VISUALIZE THIS ONE-SHOT, **

**YOU MAY ACTUALLY PEE YOUR PANTS.**

**I WROTE IT, AND SCARRED MYSELF AND I COULDN'T STOP LAUGHING MY ASS OFF.**

**SO VISUALIZE SO YOU TO CAN JOIN THE ARMY OF PEEING-PANTS-WHILE-LAUGHING**

**Vampire Knight**

**Cuppa Feel, Banana Peel**

They were arguing. Arguing loudly, but Senri Shiki did not care. This was important. This had been on his mind for a very long time, and he only knew of two people to ask for advice when it came to this. He slowly inched towards the two figures, hearing their argument get louder and louder. He cleared his throat, and stared at them.

"How do you do it?" Shiki asked loudly.

Kaname and Zero stopped arguing and glanced at the maroon-haired vampire. Zero had his arms crossed over his chest, and Kaname was standing in front of him. Shiki's confidence never faltered. They were experts, he could tell.

"Simple really," Kaname stated, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Control," Zero hissed. Shiki was surprised that Zero would help him. But he had no problems with the Vampire Hunter, and he did nothing to make the Vampire Hunter angry with him. Zero smirked, "You need to take control."

"With a certain amount of gentleness," Kaname agreed. He caressed his chin, "Start of slow, passionate, and romantic. You need to caress to impress."

"At the same time you need to be forceful and demanding," Zero pointed out. "Leave nothing untouched and unexplored."

"You have to be discrete," Kaname whispered.

"But know what you want," Zero nodded.

"And then it's simple from there. Once you get the flow going, have the courage. Do what any teenage boy would do," Kaname gave a sneaky smile.

"_Cuppa feel_," Zero smirked. He pulled out a banana (from where, Shiki will never know) and held the banana before Shiki's eyes, "_Banana peel_."

Shiki blinked. Kaname cleared his throat, "Once you have followed all these steps. You gently approach and," Kaname groped Zero's chest and gave Shiki a knowing look, "_Cuppa feel_."

"And then after that," Zero held the banana again. He started to unpeel the banana and tossed the banana skin on the ground, "The skin symbolizes your pants, and the actual banana symbolizes your most important asset," Zero pushed his hips and Kaname's hips together, "And her most important asset with envelop your banana. _Banana peel_."

"And the rest is simple biology," Kaname smiled, squeezing Zero's chest, "Just let your body do the talking and you and Rima will have a great time."

"_Cuppa feel, banana peel_ works every time," Zero grinned.

Shiki's eyes were wide. His eyes were burning, "I just…I just…wanted help with a math problem."

Zero and Kaname separated from each other. The air between them silent. Shiki stood there with wide eyes, he felt his body shaking. WHAT FOR ALL THAT IS HOLY DID HE JUST WITNESS?!

Zero and Kaname shook their heads and giggled. Giggled! They both slapped Shiki's arms and said the same thing in perfect unison, "Carry the X, Shiki. _Always carry_ the X in _every situation_."

The two walked off in different directions and Shiki fell to the ground, in the mess of what was once a perfectly well-minded Senri Shiki. FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY, HE CANT GET _**CUPPA FEEL, BANANA PEEL**_ OUT OF HIS MIND!

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**A/N: WHO DIED LAUGHING?! RAISE YOUR HAND! I already had my comment in the previous chapter...so I'm gonna draw a picture of a bunny!**

**Please Read and Review, Favorite, Follow etc. **

**I do not own Vampire Knight :(**

**READ AND REVIEW!**

**Bye! Remember to keep carrying your Xs!**

**~Saved by Dark Innocence**

**BAM! BUNNY - (O.O) ER, kind of...**


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